Whatever, Coldplay. Get back to me when you put a turmeric face mask on after dark and wake up in the morning and look at your pillow cases.
Maggie came to visit this weekend and last night, apres enchiladas, we decided to do an In Style turmeric face mask-- you know, "girls night!!!" and all that. I told Maggie that the beauty editor who tried it said it made her skin glow. That made Maggie's eyes glow-- honestly, all a girl wants is glowing skin, yo!
We mixed up almond milk, coconut oil, turmeric and honey into a glass bowl and slathered it all over our faces like we were an In Style beauty editor. Then we sat around for 20 minutes where I found myself licking my face mask off my face like a savage. What? It tastes good! Seriously though, I love turmeric. I drink it with hot water, lemon and ginger on the regular and I write about it for one of my client constantly. It's never done me wrong! Till now.
We washed the masks off, ha ha ha the water is running yellow, do we look like Gigi Hadid yet, ha ha ha. And then we ate brownies, drank bourbon and watched the Theory of Everything (which..just kill me dead, that movie).
First thing in the a.m., Maggie got up to use the restroom. Two beats later and I hear "OMG DD!" and honestly my immediate thought was that the toilet had overflowed and I was going to have to call Ben, my property manager, who no doubt hates me because I'm constantly telling him I'm cold and he's like yeah it's pretty cold in the building isn't it? and I'm like yeah so what of it? and he's like, I dunno I'm just a property manager?, and it wasn't even 9 in the morning on a Sunday.
But no; a petrified face peeked around the door frame and I saw it- Maggie's yellow face. I'm talking emoji-yellow. Like, you wouldn't have needed to change the skin tone of the basic emoji face because of that's how yellow her face was.
Then I looked at the pillowcases, and the sheets, and the towels, and my own face, and the sink, and the wall near the sink and holy god.
What the h, In Style beauty editor!? Why did no one warn me!??! Ok, so some people warned me and I KNOW turmeric stains but I didn't think it was like, indigo dye level staining. I didn't think I was mixing up a vat of tie dye for my face, you know?
I'd say my skin feels super soft today but that could be because I took off the top four layers of my face off with all the scrubbing to get the yellow off. I may look lightly jaundiced actually and the word "sallow" came to mind this morning. I was soooooooo self satisfied too, talking about "omg it just feels SO GOOD to only put things on my skin that I'd put into my body. No unpronounceable chemicals for me. I just need some organic almond milk and ancient Indian spices like I'm a GD California yoga instructor and Kate Hudson is my client."
In case you're wondering, a simple sugar scrub with a follow-up coconut oil cotton ball once over gets the yellow stain off your skin pretttyyy easily. Unfortunately, a Magic Eraser does not have the same effect on a stained porcelain sink. Uhh...sorry Ben.