Picasso Baby

Ok, so, listen. I've been thinking about it and Jay Z and I have a lot common. Let's talk about it for a second. He loves fashion, art and Beyonce. He's bff with Justin Timberlake and takes selfies with Taylor Swift. He travels on yachts and vacations in Miami. Kanye is his oldest pal but he doesn't know what to do with him since Ye has literally turned into a monster. You're starting to see it now, aren't you? We're practically leading parallel lives. 

I was listening to Magna Carta Holy Grail at the gym earlier this week and rediscovered Picasso Baby. That song is silly. It's all just unbridled, celebratory, capitalist American shit and I love it. Jay Z is like I want ALL OF THIS STUFF and I'm like Hov, I GET it. I WANT IT ALL TOO! Let's get one of each!  

Now, I'm sure he and Bey are too busy to carefully curate their art collection on the regular - world domination is hard, y'all -so I figured I'd play art advisor for the Carters using the artists references in Picasso Baby as the shopping list, so to speak. I'm going to stick with work found on Sotheby's and Christie's websites so we know at least at some point, they could've actually bought them (even if they're no longer for sale). Mm, but let's be honest. I'm pretty sure B and J could easily unhook from the wall any painting they like at the MoMA and take it to the gift shop cash register to ring up. Just like, we'll take these Klimt gift cards and this Damien Hirst. 

/I just want a Picasso in my casa/No- my castle/

I feel like Jay and B would put this in Blue's room. Like, you know how us normals buy prints on Etsy to put in our kid's rooms? The Carters buy Picasso prints. It's fun and colorful but also Serious Art. Perfect for a mini tycoon like Blue Ivy. You know good and well North would get something like this in her room, Kanye isn't even playing.

/I wanna Rothko/No, I want a brothel/

First of all, Jay, does Beyonce know about this brothel? Let's take it down a notch. A Rothko is just fine. Maybe...dare I say it..better than a brothel? Anyway, I'm not here to judge. I feel like he and Beyonce would dig this Rothko because it's, like, almost one of his popular color field paintings but not quite. Getting a regular Rothko would be totally boring, you know? Plus the colors are so good on this one. 

/Jeff Koons balloons/I just wanna blow up/

Having a Jeff Koons in your house would be the MOST FUN. You can decorate it for the holidays and its perfect party conversation. Jeff Koons is perfect here because he too can be this crass, media-obsessed pop culture victim. Of COURSE Jay wants a Jeff Koons and guess what? OF COURSE Jeff Koons wants Jay Z to have one of his pieces. Match made in self-referential heaven.

/Condos in my Condo/

George Condo really blew up on the rap scene when Kanye West gifted Kim a Birkin with original Condo work painted all over it. People, um....didn't get it? Which, like, yeah man, you just painted a mildly horrifying and sloppily done scene of some naked women on a BIRKIN. Anyway, we all know Jay and B would never do anything like that. They'd just buy something like this one and put it in their kitchen. It makes you feel weird, doesn't it? That's the point. The Carters are not trying to make you feel too comfortable in their house.

/bacons and turkey bacons/smell the aroma/

Francis Bacon is terrifying. Well, his art is anyway. Look at that. I happen to really love his work and will often scroll through Google image searches to simultaneously scare/inspire myself. I can totally see Jay and B getting down with some Bacon in their formal living room - somewhere completely unexpected and a bit jarring and where Blue doesn't spend a ton of time. 

/It ain't hard to tell/I'm the new Jean Michel/

Jay references Basquiat twice in this verse. In the one above and then at the end when he says /yellow Basquiat in my kitchen corner/ Honestly, I feel like this would be a good piece for a kitchen corner. It's bright and cheerful in the colors but still cool and subversive in subject matter. Now that I look back on my choices, I'm realized I picked some pretty effed paintings for the Carter family home. I mean. I think they'd dig it though, you know? 

/Surrounded by Warhols/My whole team ball/

The requisite Warhol. I tried choosing an off-the-beaten-path print just because I'm not sure B is trying to have a Marilyn print above her bed or whatever. Much like Jeff Koons, Andy Warhol would have LOVED Jay Z and Beyonce both. They would have absolutely been the subject of an entire series (or more) of prints and I actually am kind of bummed we don't get to see what that looks like. 

/Leonardo da Vinci flows/

I'll be honest. I'm not really feeling da Vinci for these two. It doesn't fit. Plus, there aren't too many da Vinci's on the market. In fact, this isn't even a da Vinci. It's "in the style of" by some lesser known artist. I thought they may dig this one anyway though because it's silly and those people look funny. It's like a joke da Vinci. You know the kind.

/Sleeping every night next to Mona Lisa/

Can you even? These two. My favorite line though comes a bit later in this verse: /go 'head/lean on that shit, Blue/you own it/  How BALLER IS THAT? GOD this family is so cool I can't even handle it.